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One Side: Beth

At times she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an audience that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?